Guest Post from Steph's Forever Friend - Cheryl

I have been telling Chrissy for weeks now that I need to guest post on her blog for Steph. I have a story to share. A story that has God's name all over it. A story that some already know. It is the reason why........

Eighteen years ago in May, my husband Kenneth suffered a heart attack at the age of 40. This was the beginning of many health problems for him. At this time, our daughter Chrissy was in 6th grade and our son Jarad was in 3rd. This was the very same time that I met Stephanie Phillips. She was just graduating from Catholic High School. Chrissy's basketball coach and our good friend, Tom had brought in a few girls to work with his little team of 6th graders trying to improve their skills for the big move to Cherokee Junior High. He formed a friendship with her and kept her involved with the girls and in helping her make extra money. More and more Steph would seek me out to talk.

As we all know, Steph signed with the SMS Lady Bears. She moved into the dorms but would still call me. One day, before the season started, she called and sounded so different. Almost lost. I said, "are you okay"? Those three words changed our lives forever. She started crying. I was SHOCKED. Hard core Stephanie Phillips, I was positive, would NEVER cry! She asked to come over. This also was the beginning of our hour upon hour of marathon talks.

Our friendship began. We talked (and still do) daily. She became part of our family. She loved the busyness of our home. You might ask yourself why a girl would spend so much time with someone else's family when she already has a family, a great family. She loves her family. Well, simply put it's a God thing.

During the first year of our friendship, Steph and I were at my house doing what we always did.....talking and eating. I remember the moment. I became very serious and somewhat emotional. I told Steph that our friendship scared me. I told her that I felt like God put her in my life for a reason and that it was health related. I was so sad. She agreed with me; she felt it too. We talked more (because that's what we do) and I told her I felt like I was going to lose Kenneth and that she was supposed to be there for me. I was confused on how this 19 year old girl was going to help me. Hey, I was 34. I was the elder. So Kenneth continued to have health problems and Steph continued to be by my side through each one. We never talked about losing Kenneth again. She would just tell me things like "I will push you in your wheelchair", "I will wipe the drool from your face", "I will NEVER be able to do your hair". We laughed. She told me she would be my forever friend. She insisted that we label ourselves as such.

Fast forward to January 2010. Sitting together in the bathroom of our hotel room. Scot, Drew & Levi fast asleep in the beds. Steph knew that she was going to die. We cried. She wondered what her funeral was going to be like. She wondered if Levi would remember her. She was especially sad that she was going to be responsible for breaking her mom and dad's hearts....forever. She cried to me and apologized for what she had done to my life. How she has consumed so much of my time, how her children have consumed so much of my time. I stopped crying. I felt so peaceful. I looked at her and said, "Oh Steph, do you remember many many years ago, in my house, our conversation about our friendship and it being health related. It was never Kenneth, it was YOU."

I have such a peace about my life. I have tons of joy everyday. I want to share with everyone I know and with most I don't know that while we are waiting for our Father to take Steph home this house is full of love and joy. Love from my family and her family. She is surrounded daily by these people and special friends. We love on her. We read Scripture to her. We share special messages from cards that are sent to her. We play her favorite music. All the little ones kiss her and tell her they love her, she smiles, it's precious. The joy, oh the joy! There is nothing better than to watch Drew and Levi play with THEIR forever friends and be so content.

I now understand why even though this is one of the hardest things I have ever done, it is the easiest. I don't do this alone. Never have. Never will. Steph has an amazing husband in Scot, my husband Kenneth is equally amazing. We are making a great team in keeping Steph comfortable. I'm surrounded by Chrissy and Jarad, who hug and kiss me more than the little ones. One started the blog and the other the foundation. My son-in-law, Brian who drops by to check on ME, who wraps those big arms around me and tells me he loves me. My daughter-in-law, Ashley, who calls me her mother-in-love and who drops everything to take Drew & Levi to Bass Pro to pick something special for their Daddy for Father's Day. While Scot, Kenneth and I tend to Steph's needs, we never have to worry about the boys and if they are being cared for and loved on. Most importantly, I know I am not alone because my Father in Heaven is holding me every second of every day. I have always known the Lord. He has always been a huge part of my life. It's time like these that he NEVER leaves my side.

I wanted to share our story. People have just always known Steph as a part of our family, but many often ask me how EXACTLY we met. Most importantly, I wanted people to understand how God has put us together and carried us through this journey. It is truly amazing to all of us and we are eternally grateful for His faithfulness.

Why I blog.

Tonight I will talk about my purpose for this blog. When I first started this blog, it was to keep family and friends posted on Steph's progress. Since then, it has evolved into something SO much bigger.

It turned into a place for me to share our WHOLE story. I have been able to let you all in, and have been received with open arms. So many faithful readers have shared in our struggles, but have also taken the time to read about our everyday lives together. You have smiled through slide shows of our happy time pictures. You have celebrated anniversaries and birthdays right along with us. You have cried as we said goodbye to family members. You have read along as I, sometimes selfishly, turned this blog into a place for really cheap therapy. YOU, even though many of us have never met IRL (in real life), have become family.

It has served as a place for us to be heard and request your sweet prayers that are so precious. It is a place where I have had the privilege of sharing the story of this amazing family. Most importantly, it is a place where I am able to share the gospel. I was talking with Jackie (Scot's cousin) today about this very thing. I am not very good at evangelism. I am great about talking about my faith with other believers, but unfortunately witnessing to non-believers is not my specialty. Maybe I'm afraid of an argument in which I would most likely fail miserably. Maybe I'm afraid of making people uncomfortable. That is why I love this blog. I feel like maybe it is preparing me for the task that I am instructed to take on. Writing comes easy to me...in comparison to talking face to face. This fact was made painfully obvious to me as I read my quotes in a recent article where I was clearly very comfortable in conversation mode with Michael Stacy from the Springfield News-Leader. What I do know, is God has opened up this little space on the web for me to share my faith...our faith, with the world. What a blessing. I pray that my words are exactly what HE would want them to be.

Today, this blog has taken on a new life. For now, the blog is to keep you posted as we watch something we hoped we would NEVER have to. I feel nervous every time I hit "publish post" for fear I may give away too much. So many of you know how private our dear friend has been throughout her life, but at this point it is important for us to share her message. You MUST listen to your body. You MUST be your own advocate. You MUST make people listen if you feel something isn't right. Reading my previous posts, I worry that it may seem we are giving up. I'm here to tell you, that is not the case. We will never give up. We may be fighting for different things, but we will never give up. We will not give up the fight to keep Steph's pain under control. We will not give up on keeping life as normal as possible for these sweet children. We will never stop sharing our story of how God has carried us through this.

My other purpose here today involves one of my personality traits that sometimes can be a major flaw. I'm a fixer. I want people to be happy. When the people I care about the most are sad, my world is not right. Heck, when complete strangers are sad, so am I! Well, I can't fix this. But I can try. I know that many of you have been so touched by this story because of the two precious boys involved. In order to help I want you all to understand, right now....these boys are okay. Their days are FILLED with loving Grandparents, aunts, uncles and a dad who is nothing short of AMAZING. They spend hours outside in a little paradise with their best friends in the world swimming, riding bikes and throwing back more Popsicles and homemade goodies than you could shake a stick at. We try to keep the house relatively quiet, but they know at ANY time ANY of them can sneak upstairs and love on our girl. It's sweet and you never know when the mood will strike them. And it does....often. When they get tired, they love to retreat to the basement. They throw on Nanny's t-shirts and cuddle up on the couches and usually fight over what movie they will watch on Netflix. They like to turn the lights off and have popcorn and pretend they are at the movies. There are nights like tonight when sweet friends come to take them to the REAL movie theater and they look forward to it all day. Tomorrow night Drew will have a sleepover with a very special friend who has some very AMAZING parents and we love them! Some days we get special surprises like we got today. Papa Ed flew over the house in the helicopter!! It was really exciting and definitely the highlight of the day! Here are a few pics of everyone waving at our special visitor!

It's the little things in life that bring us SO much joy! Thank you Papa Ed!!

So there you have it friends, if you really wanted to know....that's why I blog! Keep praying for relief from the pain. Steph had a rough afternoon and my mom was talking to the nurse about what we need to do next. Please pray for answers and above all...comfort. Thank you so very much!

We won the battle.

Someone came yesterday to hook Steph up so that her pain meds will be administered through her port. This is good. Thank you VERY much to our hospice nurse Linda and the medical director who made that possible. We feel like we won that battle.

Steph had a bad weekend. We are thinking it was due to the steroids she was put on instead of the pain pump. Hopefully we won't have anymore days like that. Unfortunately, she can't have those days back. Frustrating to say the least.

Today, I heard a little rumor that Steph, my mom and the guys had coffee on the back deck together. I told my mom, "That makes me happy....a little jealous....but SO SO happy!" Keep praying for moments like this. When I hear about them, or better yet get to see these moments, I feel like running to the computer and sending a note to all of you simply saying, "THANKS." I know you are all praying for "normal" with us, so thank you.

God's Blessings

There are moments when I think this is just too much to bear. I do fine...until I am alone. Sunday, I had one of those moments. I went up to check on the kids. I peeked in and watched the light from the TV dance on the precious faces of Drew and Claire. I went to Drew's side and prayed over him, asking God's blessing on this sweet child. Asking Him to give Drew strength, comfort, peace and wisdom beyond his years. I crept out and over to the next room where sweet little Levi and Cohen were resting peacefully. I prayed over Levi...the same prayer. I felt God in those rooms with me. I didn't make it to the stairs before I lost it. The sobbing was uncontrollable. I tried hugging Brian, I tried walking, rocking, sitting, standing, laying...nothing was making it stop. Nothing was helping me to breathe. I went outside on our deck and called my sister-in-law. As I we talked, I calmed down. We began to talk about God's blessings.

The thing is, this sucks. HOWEVER, God knew this was going to happen. He is not surprised by what is taking place this very second. From the day Steph was born, He knew she was going to touch the lives of more people in her 36+ years than many do in a LIFETIME.

He knew when she met our family, that we would form this special and amazing bond and he knew WHY this would be so important down the road. He knew that my mom and dad would open their home to her more than once during her life. He knew by doing so, she would feel at home when she was welcomed in one final time.

He knew when Scot was born, that he would grow and be shaped into the man who would take care of her and raise their boys. And let me tell you...he picked the right guy for the job. Scot is ABSOLUTELY amazing. There aren't enough blog posts in the world to describe how incredible he has been.

He knew when those two boys were born that they would need us. He knew there would be nights when they would be in my home during a very difficult time. I know that is why I have bonded with these boys the way I have. I am so comforted by the fact they feel at home here and I can share the burden with my parents and Scot. (Please know that I am not tooting my own horn here...GOD deserves the glory. He is responsible for all of this!)

He knew that someday, we would become family with her family and Scot's family. That is why he gave us this habit of adopting people as our own!! He knew my kids needed a Grandma Edna, Papa Ed, Granny Pam, Papa "Jail" and a Nanna Banana! Then he threw in an Uncle Jon, Aunt Abby, Uncle Ryan and an Uncle T for good measure!! Of course Drew and Levi hit the mother load of relatives too!

He knew my brother would be hired on at the office so my dad would not have to worry about work during this time. Jarad has stepped up and taken the load off of my dad. He also knew YEARS ago, who would be in that office with dad and Jarad during this time. He knew it would be a group of people that had been in our lives for a VERY long time. People who have offered up prayers, meals and special treats to make this a little more bearable. People who are like family. (See previous paragraph about our habit!)

He knew that my brother would marry one of the most amazing women I know. He knew she would fit right into our family. He also knew that she would become my very best friend in the whole wide world. He knew she would be the one I leaned on while my mom was where she needed to be.

I could go ON and ON about the road that he has paved for us. He knew we were going to be here someday. What an amazing gracious God we serve. He put all of these people and things in place for us. If this is how it has to be, He has done everything to make sure that we come out of this fog together. Thank you God for your tender mercy and your blessings. I pray that we are always able to see them, no matter how rough things get.

Please continue to pray for EVERYONE during this time. May God bless each of you, and may you take the time today to notice the blessings of the Lord in YOUR life!

One day at a time.

That's our motto right now. Some days are good. Yesterday was good. Steph was up most of the day, which hasn't happened in weeks. She had a visit from some Lady Bear teammates and Coach Middleton. She REALLY enjoyed it. As they were catching up, Drew came in and said,"EXCUSE ME!! We need to be talking about ME! Start asking ME some questions!" We think he gets that from his Nanny, we KNOW he doesn't get it from his mommy or daddy! Nanny recognized that it was probably time for the boys to move along and said, "Boys, do you know what time it is?" Levi jumped up and yelled, "IT'S LEVI TIME!!!!" These boys light up our world! Scot's family came for a visit and Steph was able to spend some time with them before she was exhausted and went up to bed.

Some days are bad....other days are worse. Thursday night was horrible. Friday was bad. We are having a hard time keeping her pain under control. She is on A LOT of pain medication which is causing her to be nauseated most of the time so she is often vomiting shortly after taking them. It is hard for the pain meds to work from the toilet....I'm just sayin. We are pushing for a pain pump for numerous reasons. First, it would obviously be the most effective way to administer pain meds. Second, it would be far more efficient. Third, it would take a lot of stress off my mom and Scot who are having to keep track of what she takes and when. It sounds like a win win win situation...right? We are still pushing, I will let you know when we win. You know we will.

Today, I have the privilege of hanging out with the boys. Steph is not doing well today. We are not sure if it's the medication or something else, but she is not herself. We thought it would be best for the boys to be away for the day so we are planning a great day at our pool and I am sure ice cream will be present more times than one today!! Right now they are playing "tigers" together....wait, I stand corrected...they are playing "tigers" without Cohen. Probably because he refuses to wear his tiger pants....or tiger underwear....or any tiger clothing at all. I wish you could have seen what just happened as I was typing. It involved a huge snot bubble and an uproar of laughter from four precious babes. And now, they are ALL back to playing "tigers.".

We had art therapy a few days ago with the littles. Some of our long time friends brought TONS of food and two really great baskets for the kids. One full of snacks and one full of fun toys and activities. There was a package of t-shirts and a box of fabric crayons. Drew went first and he decided we should make shirts for his momma. Claire and Drew made theirs, I made Cohen and Levi's, but they told me what they wanted the shirts to say. We snapped some pics...here they are!

"I love you to the moon and back."

"Der Mom, I love you so much up to the planit Plooto."

Care Calendar

I started to get really anxious about coordinating a food schedule again. It was a major project, and honestly...I don't have it in me right now. However, I was directed by a few people to the Care Calendar page and it is WONDERFUL. SO, I set one up and it will take the place of my sad attempt at organization. If you will notice, River Bluff Fellowship has already taken over many of the dates but there are still some available. We can also post other needs on there as the come up. I believe if you sign up, it will alert you when new needs arise. Feel free to email me if you have any questions. Here is the log in info.

http://www.carecalendar.org/
Calendar ID : 42920
Security Code : 3276

We have not designated a certain time for food to be dropped off. Since Steph and Scot have moved in with the boys at my parent's house, there should be someone there around the clock. I will be keeping an eye on the schedule to make sure there are no conflicts. It seems so silly to just say that we appreciate all that everyone is doing. There really aren't words. Just know, that you are ALL making our lives a little easier in a time that is so difficult. We are thankful from the bottom of our hearts.

Update.

On Saturday we spent the day at my parents pool. I arrived to find Steph sleeping. A very good thing. I went up to check on her and she said she wanted to eat something because she was determined to make it to MSU to watch her girls play at team camp. She ate and took a bath. My mom dried her hair and put it in a ponytail. I decided that Grandma Connie (my mother-in-law), Scot, Grandma Edna and Uncle Ryan (Steph's little brother) had it all under control so I went with them. Steph enjoyed watching them play and was very excited about the upcoming talent. I was amazed to see her talk to the girls with such strength. She encouraged them to keep working hard. This girl...she is incredible. When we got in the car we realized, she had overdone it...but I'd be willing to bet she wouldn't take it back for the world. We talked on the way home and we decided that it was time to call Hospice. We need someone to help keep her pain under control. She and Drew decided to spend the night with my parents and the next morning she was excited to report that she had a REALLY good night. She hasn't had one of those in a very long time.

Sunday morning your prayers were felt. My mom made coffee. Coffee with my mom is one of lifes simple pleasures. As my mom was telling me about their morning, I remembered the last time I sat with Steph and my mom and drank coffee. We were on St. Pete's Beach and is one of my greatest memories. SO, they sat outside on the daybed and watched Drew swim while they sipped their coffee. Mom read from a book that our friend Shelly Jones brought over the day before. Drew came up and sat for a while and decided that he would like to read something a little more entertaining so he went and got his Curious George book. They sat and listened to him read. All you mommas out there know, this was a wonderful moment for them. We are praying for more mornings like this.

Yesterday a decision was made. Steph, Scot, Drew, Levi, Nanny and Papa decided it would be best if the Phillips family moves in with Nanny and Papa. The upstairs is a little more secluded so noise won't be so much of a problem which will allow Steph to rest and the kids can still be kids. It will just be easier for everyone.

Today, all of the littles understand what is going on. Please pray for wisdom as we are all asked questions that we wish we didn't have to answer. Pray for their little hearts.

If you would like to bring a meal, please e-mail me at cgeorge1980@gmail.com and we can work out a time for you to drop it off. We are thinking Tuesday and Friday nights for drop offs. I know many of you have said you would be willing to do this and we are at a point where this would benefit us greatly. Thank you in advance.

While doing the book for Steph, I cam across some really great pictures. This one (which I am really afraid I left out of the book, BOO!) is a sweet moment captured on Easter two years ago at Nanny and Papa's. Steph is helping the youngest of our bunch (Miss Alivia Jane) find her eggs.

That's Steph...always a coach!!

Game Plan.

It is time. This part of our journey that we hoped we would never see. It's here. In true athletic fashion, we had to talk strategy. Our goal is to keep things as normal for the kids as possible. We ask for your discretion when in the presence of our littles. We decided that it is important at this point for one person to be devoted to caring for Steph and Steph only. Of course, my mom has gladly taken on this role. She has noticed that this has made a big difference in Steph's strength. Keeping up with medication and making sure she is getting enough to eat is a very important job. I know better than anyone what an amazing nurse my momma is. I know I'm a little biased, but really...she's awesome. In the meantime, Scot is keeping the boys busy and the George family is always eager to take the boys whenever they want to come play. I got to put my old fort making skills to good use on Tuesday. We had a great time, but I was not allowed in either fort. One was ONLY for 3 year olds and the other was ONLY for 5 and 6 year olds. Hmpf. I guess next time I will make my own...so there. I finally finished my project for Steph. It is awesome if I do say so myself...all 93 pages! I can't wait for it to get here! I can't believe it took me so long, but the crazy ambulance/spinal tap incident set me back a few weeks!

Keep praying for strength, peace and understanding. MOST importantly....pray for our miracle!!! We continue to praise God for His works in our lives. We feel Him now more than ever. He is holding us in the palm of His hand. I stand amazed that he decided I was worthy to be a part of this incredible family. Thank you Lord.

Hardest post...ever.

I have to write a post tonight that I don't want to write. I have been given permission to update you all on Steph's condition. I'm just going to put it out there...no sugar coating. She wanted to me to ask you all first and foremost, to PLEASE pray for her pain to go away or at least become more tolerable. She is on A LOT of pain medication right now. She has lost 13 pounds in the last two weeks, 30 since January. She is weak, is having trouble eating and is miserable. You can't even imagine how her condition has deteriorated over the past few weeks. Her most recent scan revealed what we feared...more cancer. Even with chemo every week and radiation 5 days a week for 7 weeks, this cancer is ravaging her body. During this fight, we have been afforded the luxury of a seemingly healthy girl. She never looked the part of a cancer patient. She never lost her hair and when she did look sick, it was because of the chemo. We are now faced with the ugly reality that this cancer is overpowering her. Please pray for the following:

1. Her pain to go away. This is the most important.
2. Scot as he tries to keep life as normal as possible for the boys.
3. Her boys.
4. My mom, she has been designated primary care giver for Steph...by Steph.
5. Her family and friends.
6. Her miracle.

My Wish.

I wish I was here...

I wish I was with these two.

I wish these kids... didn't know the word cancer.

I wish I could go back in time to this day....
and tell her to get a colonoscopy. I wish I could take this away. I wish for a cure. I wish for a lot of things....but I'm PRAYING for a miracle.

Goodbye Kindergarten!

Drew had his Kindergarten "graduation" last week. I wanted to post a few pictures but before I do that...I want to mention someone who is VERY special to Drew. His teacher. She has gone out of her way to make sure Drew is happy. I can't even begin to tell you in my own words how much we appreciate her, so hopefully you will get the idea based on this little story.


This winter at a basketball game, someone gave Drew a dollar. Most kids I know, including my own would have spent it at the concession stand. Not our Drew. He saved it. Last week at school he gave it to his teacher and told her he wanted her to use it to buy herself a Starbucks. He insisted and would NOT take no for an answer. I think it speaks volumes about how important she is to him and how much he loves her.


So, THANK YOU Mrs. M, for being so great with our guy. We feel that God put you in Drew's life for a very specific reason. You are an angel right here on earth and we appreciate you more than you could ever know!


Now for the pics!!! During the program, they put each child's picture on the screen with their name and what they want to be when they grow up. Here is Drew's. I love this kid.



Here is the proud graduate with his momma, daddy, brother and cousin Chandler.

The whole family!

Mommyhood.

These two made us Mommys...


and these two were the icing on the cake!

Steph, I love doing mommyhood with you. Happy Mother's Day!

The line.

Okay, I lied. I was hoping to have this little surprise done by next week, but it's not looking good. (So keep sending stuff in!!) I need more time. She deserves more time. And quite honestly, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Not because I lack pictures, I have thousands. Not because I lack the desire, I can't wait to see this finished project as I know the joy it will bring will be immeasurable. It is because I am overwhelmed by emotions. There is a perfect black line drawn right down the middle of this project. On one side we were carefree. On the other side, our lives were changed forever. My heart aches when I look back at the pictures before Steph was diagnosed. Things were not perfectly simple by any means, but they were so different. I start to get angry and then I keep looking. I sat tonight and stared at a picture of us on the day of her wedding. She was beautiful in her big white dress. Her something old and borrowed was my jewelry that I had just worn months before when I walked down the aisle. The memories came back like a flood. I am not angry. I am thankful. I am thankful for those memories and thankful that we are making new ones everyday. I am thankful that God has given her new strength like she's never had before! Thankful that God has given her the strength to fight for a new line.

Keep 'Em Coming!!!

Just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who has participated so far in my little project!!! You guys are awesome and I KNOW this is going to mean the world to her! I can't wait to see the finished project! Love to you all!!!!! Whoops. It looks like I shouted this entire post. I'll try to contain myself next time....I'm just SO STINKIN' EXCITED!!!!!!! Oh. There I go again.

Request.

**UPDATE** I am seriously out of it. It seems I have more time than I thought. I will change my deadline to SATURDAY at 10:00 am. That gives you a little more time!**

I will update you all on Steph's status soon. She is sleeping at chemo right now so maybe we will talk later. I did get a text from mom saying, "She is strong today." That is a step in the right direction! Our prayers are working....PRAISE JESUS! Steph said last night that all she wants is for everyone to start praising God for the healing that has and is taking place in her body!

I also have to give a little shout out to Pastor Scott. He came and had lunch with us yesterday. It was wonderful to have him there. He is such a sweet sweet soul and you just feel good when he is around...even if he did give me a hard time for being the family rebel. But don't worry...I got even when I made him laugh and he shot fruit dip out of his nose. It was awesome and I'm still giggling over that one!

Now for my special request. When my mom turned 50, I put a photo book together for her. It started with pictures of her as a baby and went to the present. I also had some of my family write letters to her to go with their section of pictures. It turned out really well and it is something she treasures. My intentions were to have the same thing for Steph ready for her birthday. Well...our world was rocked and I lost a lot of my focus. (See THIS post) Now that we are back on track, I want to do the same thing for Steph. So here is what I need from YOU!

1. Any pictures of Steph that you would like to share...bonus points if they have YOU and Steph in them.
2. A little note explaining how Steph has impacted your life. (Feel free to e-mail a note even if you don't have pictures.)
3. Pass the word along to anyone you may know that may not read the blog (then shame them into reading the blog.)
4. Send the letter and/or pics (make sure you put names with the people in the photos, just in case!) to cgeorge424@yahoo.com. If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me.

Here's the catch...I need these by Wednesday at 10 pm! I really wanted to have this done by mother's day, but it totally crept up on me, so a few days after will have to do! Now...what are you waiting for?? Go! Go!! Send me your stuff!! Thank you in advance! Love to you all!

Let me start by saying that Sunday was a day I will never forget. It was beautiful outside. We ate lunch and spent time together. We sat in the back and watched the kids play in the stream. We sat in the driveway and watched them ride their bikes and draw with chalk. The Bradford Pear tree (aka the stinky tree) had bloomed and the tiny white petals were swirling around and floating through the air. It was magical, like something you see on a movie. It is a memory that I will tuck away in my heart and pull it out when I need it.

Now, here are the facts. Steph recently started having severe swelling in one of her legs and in her pelvic area. After an ultrasound and doppler they determined that the blood flow from her heart to her legs is fine. However, the blood flow from her legs to her heart is not good. The tumor near her femoral vein is constricting blood flow. I won't lie, that stung a little bit. We have grown accustomed to problems and illness caused by chemo. This was the first time we have had to deal with a problem directly related to the cancer. So if you had the misfortune of running into one of us in public during the weeks we were processing this...sorry about that.

Sunday we discussed chemo with Steph. This was the week for her "bad chemo" which makes her VERY sick. Before chemo she talked with Dr. Hoos. They talked about the tumor. He said he would send her over to Dr. Helen and see about doing radiation to shrink the tumor and offer her some relief with the swelling and pain. The talked a little about pain management and also decided to take the Irinotecan (the bad chemo) down by %10. This is what they suggested at Mayo, but Dr. Hoos wanted to give it a shot at full force because he wanted to be aggressive. Steph was good with that until she realized how bad the side effects were going to be. It was an encouraging visit, especially when he mentioned something about, "Come September." We needed to hear that.

They met with Dr. Helen to discuss radiation. That woman gets it. Of course, we wish we would never have had to meet her but given the circumstances we are so glad we did! She is determined to save Steph's life. She opened her huge file on Steph and mixed in with the medical reports and results were news paper articles she had clipped out about our girl! She is a class act! She decided that she will do a PET scan tomorrow to get a solid plan in place. Steph will most likely be looking at radiation 5 times a week for 7 weeks. WOW. That's a lot of radiation. So right now, we need you to pray specifically for Steph's strength during this difficult treatment regime. Also pray that when it's all over, the tumor will be GONE! Keep praying for a miracle! WE BELIEVE!!!!

Chemo Day

Today is chemo. Today I couldn't hate cancer more if I tried. BUT TODAY is the day that the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be GLAD in it! Please pray!

Jimmy V Foundation

Thanks to Kevin Meyers for sharing this with me tonight. Watch and consider what you can do to help!

Fearless

I just posted this on my personal blog but felt it might apply on Steph's blog as well. I am looking forward to spending some time with the Phillips family tomorrow and hopefully will get some new pics up. In the meantime, you can read my ramblings and please keep praying for Steph. She really needs your prayers right now.

Last month, I had a REALLY bad week. It's really hard for me to even post that on here because my "bad" doesn't look near as bad as another person's "bad," but it was still hard. Big Daddy was out of town for the week. I woke up Monday with a migraine. I was bummed because my mom was coming over to spend the day. Instead of hanging out and decorating, I was sleeping it off. However, I was thankful that my mom was here to hang with Cohen while I slept. That night I went to bed with a "migraine hangover" but was sure I would be fine. Uh...no. I woke up in the middle of the night and was SICK! I finally had to call my mom and ask if she could come get the kids ready and take them to school. I then proceeded to puke for days. I had to stay with my parents because I could not get out of bed!

**My mother is a saint. On the two days that Cohen and Levi had school she would get all FOUR kids ready, take them ALL into Drew's school to drop him off. She would put three back in the car and make the 20 minute drive to drop Claire off then back to Springfield to take the little boys to school!

So, during this time I was also having an emotional melt down. My faith was shaky at best. I couldn't believe how weak I felt physically and mentally. As I lay there I beat myself up. How on earth can I feel so bad when one of my best friends in the world is fighting for her life with such strength and courage?? Why can't I just suck it up? I became almost disabled by fear. I feared the outcome of Steph's fight with cancer. I feared the sickness that was raging in my body. I hated the fact that I added more to my mom's plate. (Make no mistake, my mom is happy to help and was thrilled to have so much time with my kids. She LOVED every second of it, so I'm not sure why I was worried about that!) I missed my husband and was terrified that he would get stuck in New York due to the pending snow storm projected to hit the east coast.
The week went on and don't you know it...God prevailed. I still felt pretty bad but Brian was on one of the VERY FEW flights that got out of NYC before the snow storm hit. He made it home and the weekend came. I went to the doctor on Monday (Yes, I waited until Monday because I seriously could not get out of bed!) and found that I had an ear infection that was causing all kinds of problems. My doctor actually asked if she could look at my ear again because she had never seen anything like it! (P.S. my ear NEVER hurt!) On Tuesday we went to Lifeway and I found a great book that I am still trying to finish. Fearless but Max Lucado. It was as if the book jumped off the shelf into my arms. Hmmm, I wonder how that happened?? I am convinced that God didn't hear my prayers. He heard my mom's prayers. I know she was praying for me. I know she was praying that I could find peace. And I did.

I know God wants me to be a lot of things, but afraid is not one of them. By being full of fear, I am being disobedient to Him. By focusing on the things that terrify me, I am ignoring the things that should be filling my soul with joy. I have done A LOT of praying and soul searching. I have come to some conclusions and I will share them when the time is right. As hard as life has been in the past few years...it's getting harder. I don't know exactly what the future holds but I DO know one thing. I know that I will not survive with the attitude I had last month. Worrying, feeling guilty and being afraid is not going to make Steph's cancer go away. If it could, I'm pretty sure my dad and I could have cured her about a year ago. I don't have all the answers, and never will, but I trust in God's plan. I am thankful for His promise to me. I am also thankful for His decision to put me in this amazing family. Because of these things, I am determined to be fearless.

Baby Audrey

Many of you in the coaching/teaching community may have already heard about baby Audrey. I personally had her grandpa as a P.E. teacher in Jr. High. Her daddy and Scot go way back. Tonight, I am asking for your prayers. She has been fighting for her little life for weeks in the CICU at St. Louis Children's hospital. We remember that place all too well. It seems like a million years ago that we sat by Drew's bedside and wondered what the future held. CLICK HERE and go to her site. Read her story and pray with all your might for her and her family.