2011 Relay For Life

I went to my first captain's meeting last week for the 2011 Relay For Life. It wasn't until I walked through the front door, that I actually stopped to think about what I was actually doing. I sat down in the front row and the first person began to speak. She talked about some of the other things the ACS does, besides fund research. The first thing she mentioned was the Road to Recovery program. They need volunteers to pick up cancer patients who are not able to drive themselves to treatment. That's all it took for my tears to start flowing. Someday, I will volunteer for that program...but I'm not strong enough yet. I gathered myself as I learned about the "Look Good, Feel Better" program where local cosmetologists donate their time to help instruct chemo patients on how to apply makeup, wigs and eyebrows. But I was still a little teary, thinking about my brave Auntie Karen who went through everything those ladies were talking about. However, as I looked at the empty chair to my right and the empty chair on on my left...I thought I might have to get up and leave. SHE should be sitting next to me. SHE should be preparing for the survivors walk. I became overwhelmed. Crap. More tears. I miss her so much. What am I doing? Am I ready to be the captain of this team? Will I be able to do it justice? Will I make her proud with my efforts? I don't know. I will tell you what I DO know. I can't do this alone. I need YOUR help. I want to be the best...in honor of the best. Click HERE and it will take you to my page. You have the option to donate or join my team. I would LOVE to have a huge team this year. I also know we have A LOT of visitors on this blog who live far away. Either way...come support our team!!!

2011 Relay For Life

I finally did it!! We have a team for the 2011 Relay For Life! Please visit our page HERE and join or donate! Please let's make a huge difference this year. I KNOW she would want us to do everything we could in order to help find a cure. Go...now....hurry...only 92 days left!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day,,,,

from Levi, Drew.....

and the gang!!

(Levi 4, Cohen 4, Drew 7, Alivia 3 and Claire 6)

Hall Of Fame

Tonight was a huge night for Stephanie's family and friends. Tonight Stephanie Suzanne Thurman Phillips was enshrined into the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame. As the video played, the tears flowed. There is something about seeing video footage of her that tugs at our heartstrings. As all of her family and friends looked on, Scot accepted the award on her behalf. He did a wonderful job and at the end talked about what a great opportunity the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame has given him to show his boys what a difference their momma made on this earth. He fought back tears and I'm pretty sure there wasn't a dry eye in the house. As they presented him with the plaque, the room erupted and EVERYONE stood to give her a standing ovation. It was breathtaking. I don't have a lot of pictures because I was just taking it all in.

We realize that had she not passed away, this would not have been the year she was inducted to such a prestigious organization. I KNOW without a doubt, had she lived a long healthy life she would have been there eventually. I wish she was one of the inductees that could stand up and talk about her kids and grand kids. I wish she was receiving the award after winning 10 state championships and coaching 40 years worth of amazing athletes. But like they said as they introduced her, "It is often the quality of life...not the quantity that makes someone a legend." No matter the circumstances, I am thankful to have been part of her life. I am blessed to have known such an amazing woman. I am humbled to think that I was important to such an important person. I am forever grateful to her for picking such an amazing man to be her husband. I can't even imagine how proud she must be of him, for so many reasons. My favorite quote of the night came from Scot. He was explaining a moment that took place between a college coach and another coach. As practice began he said, "You can always tell which kids are Kickapoo kids." She would be SO proud that her girls continue to conduct themselves in the manner in which she took such care to instill in them. She has truly left her mark on the athletic community...on the world.

Stephanie,
I miss you more than I even could have imagined possible. They say, "time heals all wounds." I would be willing to bet that the person who said that...never lost anyone like you. I know you were there tonight. We can always feel your presence. We see your smile on the sweet faces of your precious boys. (Who looked SUPER handsome tonight by the way!) I miss your laugh. The real laugh. The one we hadn't heard in quite a while. I miss "the look" you gave us. Mostly me and mom...when we were being flighty and girly. I have moments every single day when I think, "Man I wish Steph was here to see this." You are forever in my heart and I miss you so much it physically hurts. But we are doing it. We are continuing on, finding joy. Some days it's harder to find than others, but please know...I am better because of you. I love you sister, so much.
Love,
Chrissy

Happy Birthday Levi!

Today our sweet Levi turned 4. I put together a video for him and discovered the following...

1. Levi is NEVER photographed alone.
2. Pictures of Levi as a newborn are NOT on anyone's Shutterfly account, which is where I steal all the pictures from.
3. 95% of the time Levi is either eating, holding food, covered in food or all of the above.
4. The only pictures I have of Levi and Scot....Scot is topless.

So...keeping that in mind, here is my birthday tribute to our littlest boy!!

Levi's 4th from Chrissy George on Vimeo.

A Visit to the Phillips Home.

Another First.

Thank you KY3 for covering the first Lady Chiefs game of the season so beautifully. Go HERE to see it.

Congratulations to the 2010-2011 Lady Chiefs and their coaches who opened up with a win. You looked good and I know she was proud of ALL of you!!

It was strange to be there without her. It really hit me after the game when the boys were running around shooting baskets. She is supposed to come out of the locker room and they are supposed to run full speed yelling, "MOMMY!!!!!" Obviously, it was different. Last night....it was, "PENDER!!!" I know that made her smile. You know what else I think made her smile? The fact that I looked down AFTER the interview with KY3 and noticed my zipper was undone. Awesome. I can hear her now..."You're such a dork." I miss that.

Drew had a wonderful birthday and I can't wait to share the pictures we have. It really was a beautiful day. But until then, I have to share this story.

Last night, Claire and I were in her bedroom putting the finishing touches on her Christmas tree. Our conversation went like this:

Claire-"Oh momma, when my tree is all decorated, my lights are on, my room is clean and I have my Christmas music on...it feels like I'm in Heaven."

Me-"Awww, is that what you think Heaven will be like?"

Claire-"I think Heaven is whatever you want it to be like."

Me-"Do you think Steph will have Christmas lights in Heaven?"

Claire-"Yes I do. And I think she is going to have the BEST Christmas EVER this year!"

Me-"Oh really? Why do you say that?"

Claire-"Because she gets to celebrate Jesus' birthday WITH HIM!"

Through my tears I thanked God for my precious girl, hugged her tight...and gave her a giant bowl of ice cream because how on EARTH do you say no to a child who just said THAT????

Happy Birthday Drew Baby!

Happy 7th Birthday Drew! from Chrissy George on Vimeo.

Untitled

When we found out Steph was with child, I decided I would keep a journal for the baby. I KNEW this baby was going to be special and I KNEW he or she would be a part of my life forever. A few times each month, I would jot down my thoughts and the things that were happening. I put together a scrapbook for Drew. It tells him the story of the night his momma told her team she was expecting, the day she called me and told me it was a BOY, the day he got his first Radio Flyer from my dad (yes, before he was even born), the morning sickness that lasted all day and the day I sat and watched him roll around in his momma's belly. I had not looked at this book in well over 3 years. I picked it up a few months ago and read the last page. It was my last note to Drew before he was born.

Well buddy, this will be the last time I write to you before you are born. I wanted to give this book to your mom at her last shower tomorrow so I have to finish it today. I can't even express how excited I am to see you for the first time. I think about you a lot and I can't wait to hold you. I want you to know that I would do anything for you and I will always be here whenever you need me. I know when you first get here that you really only need your parents. But later in life, you just never know! Good luck on the way out and I will be praying for you and your mom. I will see you very soon!

I love you forever and always,
Chrissy

I read that and was so sad. Later in life, you just never know. When I typed that, I was thinking YEARS down the road...when he had done something naughty and was in trouble with his mom and dad. I NEVER thought THIS is how it would be. I never imagined any of this. This happens to other people, not us. It makes me mad. It makes me sad and for the first time, I am actually asking God WHY? I hate that I am asking that, and I KNOW I will never have an answer in this lifetime. I can hear story after story of people who were impacted by HER story, and I am thankful for those people who have taken the time to share. I am thankful that she brought people closer to each other and more importantly closer to God. I am truly glad about all that...but it doesn't make me miss her less. It doesn't bring her back. It doesn't take the pain away. I can't change our circumstances, but I can keep the promise I made to her in my room that day in early July and the promise I made to Drew in his book. I will be here. I will help take care of these precious babies until they have babies of their own. (If all goes as planned with the arranged marriage, Drew's babies will be my grand babies!)I will tell them about the day they were born because that's what the mom's in my family do and I KNOW that is what she would be doing if she were here. I will also do birthday posts for them...so tune in tomorrow for Drew's!

Happy Birthday Grandma Edna!!

As I have mentioned before, our family has a habit of adopting people. One of the very special people we adopted is Steph's mom Edna. Steph LOVED how the kids ALL consider each grandparent their own, even if the bloodlines don't exactly match up! Grandma Edna, we hope you had a wonderful day! You brought a precious gift into this world that changed our lives forever, and we thank you a million times over. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

He gives and takes away....not always in that order.

In our case, He is giving AFTER He took away. Our family is overjoyed at the thought of a new baby girl to love and spoil. My little brother and his beautiful wife will welcome a sweet little girl into the world sometime in March. My mom said this, "My forever friend, Steph has been gone 4 months now. I miss her. I wanted so bad to be able to call her and tell her that my baby boy is going to have a baby girl. She knows."

I can picture what her reaction would be because I've seen it...three times. She would be excited. She would be there in March, standing outside the door with us as we listen for her first cries. Just another thing we have to do without her physically here....but another thing we KNOW she is watching and will forever be a part of.

Congratulations Jarad, Ashley and Alivia! We can't wait to meet this sweet baby girl!

Chuck Taylors.

In 2006, we took a girls trip to Las Vegas. My mom, Steph and I spent a few days stuffing ourselves, shopping and watching all of the March Madness games that were on. I truly think you haven't experienced March Madness until you have done it Vegas style! Watching one of the games on the HUGE screen at Ceasar's Palace was awesome....but not as awesome as the look on some guys face when he saw Steph's bracket and heard her rattle off reasons why she picked the teams she picked. He thought she was just another cute girl with a bracket based on the color of the uniforms and who she thought was good looking. We had a great time, made LOTS of memories and even learned something new about Steph. THAT is a story in itself and someday I may share it with you all....it was a pretty amazing story. The last day we were there, we went into this shoe store where I purchased my first pair of Chuck Taylors. It only took me a few years to convince my family that EVERYONE needed a pair! Soon, all the kids had them and Steph purchase a pair for herself and Scot. Ashley jumped on the bandwagon, but my parents and Jarad still refuse. Even Brian ended up with a pair! I'm sure many of you remember this picture I took at state this spring.She got up that morning and her toe was hurting her so bad. The thought of wearing dress shoes did not excite her so she decided her Chucks would have to do. Suddenly, she became KNOWN for those Chucks. They remind us of her now. I was SO excited when I got the chance (thanks Big Daddy!) to design my own pair on the Converse website. I went with red and black, because those are our school colors....and I am NEVER moving again. I personalized them in honor of my dear friend.

And apparently...the idea is catching on! These were designed by Miss Amanda who was a senior on Steph's team last year!
Personally, I think this is a great idea for Christmas presents. (I am not advertising here, I just LOVE these shoes!) But if you do happen to make your own....send me pics. I would love to have a gallery posted of everyone's Chucks. Here is a link. Follow this link to check out the shoes I just created on Converse.com. You can change them up to make them yours, it's really quite fun!

WIN.

If you will remember in a previous post, I mentioned that Steph was being honored again this year at the WIN banquet. They had renamed the courage award to "The Stephanie Phillips Courage Award." It was presented to the 2009-2010 Lady Chiefs Basketball team by none other than our very own SUPERDAD!!! Scot did an amazing job. Lucky for you...I got it on video.

Untitled from Chrissy George on Vimeo.

It was a very emotional evening for all of us. When they asked for last year's honorees to stand and be recognized...my heart broke. SHE should be here. SHE should be standing. It makes me so sad. But just one look at those precious boys and I am overcome with gratitude. Thankful for a God who knew we would need them as much as they need us! Here are a few pictures from the evening.

Halloween.

I was nervous about Halloween this year. This would be the first year we have ever trick-or-treated without Steph. For five years, we dressed our babies up in silly costumes and took as many pictures as we could considering our wiggly subjects. Three years we were at our old house, two years we were at Nanny and Papa's and last year we were at our new house. It's another first for us, and let me tell you...they haven't been easy. So the "grownups" decided we would dress up this year. I was SO glad we did. We had a great time and it really took the focus off of what was missing and shifted it towards making more memories. She loved our chaos. She loved that she was always a part of it. She would love that all three of her boys are still a part of it. I can just see her rolling her eyes and telling us all we are "such dorks." So here we are: Jarad the Vampire Ashley the Witch Brian the Werewolf Cohen the Cowboy Me the Queen of Hearts Claire as Yoshi Levi as Obi-Wan Kenobi Scot as Darth Vader Drew as Luke Skywalker Livi the Littlest Witch Chandler as Thomas the Train Grandma Edna as Grandma Edna holding Chandler because he was terrified of Scot and Brian Carsten the Elephant Jackie as Jackie holding Carsten because he was a little freaked out too!

From Steph Won.

From Steph Won.

We hope you all had a fun time this weekend. We did...and I'm still washing the red spray out of my hair!!!

From Steph Won.

Drew's Day at the Dentist!

We have the most amazing family dentist. He is kind, caring and makes going to the dentist easy! He has been a part of our world for years. In fact, he was at my wedding!! He has an amazing staff and we love them all too. They ALL are always so kind and fun when we go in and always offered up sweet prayers on our behalf. We love it at Dr. Ryen's office! Since we started making babies around here, we knew that they would go to Dr. Ryen as well. Claire and Drew have each had the unfortunate experience of a cavity. I dreaded Claire's filling appointment so much I made Big Daddy take her...only to get a call after the appointment saying that she went right in, plopped down and never made a peep! SO, we knew Drew would do great. Thankfully, Nanny captured some of the highlights!

Quote of the Day-By Levi.

"This costume is not Jesus. I'm Hans Solo. See? I have a light saber."

I Still Believe.

I still believe in miracles.

Looking at our situation, you could say that we didn't receive the miracle we were praying for. Sure, so many prayers were answered. God was there....there was never any doubt about that. However, we did not get to witness a miraculous healing. Of course that makes us sad because we miss her so very much here on earth.

Having said that, I still believe in miracles. They happen and I could be bitter about the fact that they happen to OTHER people and we didn't get ours. But, being in a situation where we HAD to have a miracle in order for Steph to live, I understand the urgency. I know the sense of desperation. That is why, when I hear of someone else getting their miracle....I rejoice. I praise the Lord that he spared another family from what we have endured. I trust His plan and His reasons and I am thankful for his mercy.

But man I miss her. We all do.

What I Learned Over Summer Vacation.

1. The most precious gift you can give anyone is the gift of your time. When we die, we take nothing with us. I can't be sure but I imagine (and hope) that you do get to keep all your memories when you get to Heaven. That's all you get. So go make a difference.

2. Over the years, I have seriously underestimated the power of a card or a bouquet of flowers. So send a few.

3. What you sow, so shall you reap. (Okay, I learned that a long time ago but it was proven time and time again this summer) So get to sowin'.

4. People will amaze you. So put yourself out there.

5. People will disappoint you. So put yourself out there anyway.

6. Mostly people will amaze you. See #4.

7. No gesture is too small. I have never been good about stepping up when someone has experienced a loss. I often think "I should take a meal or flowers or send a card," but often I chicken out. I fear the meal delivery like no other. What if they don't like it? What if they already have a meal for that night? What if I give them food poisoning? But I learned that it doesn't matter. As long is it comes from the heart (and is cooked thoroughly) , it doesn't matter. When someone came through the door, it didn't matter what they were bringing...it meant the world. (Especially if it was ANYTHING that Grandma Joyce baked!!!!) So just do it.

8. Kids are still good. In a world filled with negative stories about our youth, kids are still good. So many high school kids were so affected by Steph's story. They also chose to go out and make a difference. Whether it was a fundraiser or a prayer vigil, they were doing something. Kids are still good. Invest time in yours.

9. God will never leave your side. In a time that should have been SOOOO dark, he was there. The devil was and is working overtime to gain control over us, but God is bigger than the devil. God is bigger than us. God is bigger than cancer. Trust in Him.

12. Don't be so quick to judge, the person who just cut you off in traffic may be having the worst day of his or her life. The girl who doesn't return your smile at the grocery store may be waiting for one of her best friends to leave this earth forever. You just don't know. Instead of being mean back....say a prayer for them.

11. Life is fragile. If it's worth saying or doing, don't wait. Call that old friend or relative and make amends. Hug your kids tighter. Read the extra story. Say yes when they ask you to lay with them. Say yes to dessert. Find the joy.

Let's Hear it for the Boys

This post is LONG overdue. I have had it rolling around in my head for months now, I just wanted to make sure I did the topic justice.

So many things in life, in my opinion, tend to be geared SO much toward women. I would be willing to bet that the majority of the blogs on the web are aimed straight at women. Stories of triumph in the face of adversity, horribly sad stories of people losing their loved ones and even just simple crafty blogs pepper the blogosphere. Movies, TV, commercials, radio, store front windows....all are desperately reaching out for the attention of women. We are the talkers. We are the sharers of our feelings. We are emotional. So often, the strong silent ones....the men, are overlooked. I wanted to make SURE our men are NOT overlooked.

Scot. I'm not sure I will ever be able to express to anyone how amazing he was. It was just such a sight to behold. I was watching true love in it's finest moments, which also happened to be the darkest days. He was THE picture of devotion. He served his wife until she took her last breaths. He did so with such courage, such grace, such compassion....a true example of Christlike love.

Dad. (a.k.a Kenneth) He opened up his home without a moments hesitation. He offered up his wife, not just for 3 months....but for 3 years. Since the day Steph was diagnosed, my dad planted himself firmly on the back burner and was happy to stay there for as long as he needed to. He knew that her health and her boys were the top priority and he was ready to move mountains to make sure she was as happy and comfortable as possible. He went to doctor's appointments, picked up kids, delivered food, picked up medication and most importantly offered support to my mom when she was dealing with the stress of being a main caregiver.

Brian. My sweet husband. He was here. Here for me when I was so so so sad. He was always up for an impromptu slumber party with the Phillips boys. For a month, he basically flew solo at night while I was helping at my parent's house. He took over the bathing and bedtime ritual with our kids so I could do it for the boys. He even took ALL FIVE kiddos to Jump Mania BY HIMSELF so we could have some quiet time at the house. He was my rock. My big strong shoulder to cry on....and trust me, I did plenty of that....still do. He is my true love....and he's cute too.

Papa Ed. Steph's dad. He was there in the mornings to sit with Steph while mom and Scot got prepared for the day. Whether they were picking up and straightening (a nervous tic for both), getting cleaned up or just being quiet before the hustle and bustle of the day began, they knew Ed would be there to make sure Steph was not alone. He also offered some serious excitement for the kids as he would fly over in his helicopter! They LOVED that!

Papa J.L. Scot's dad. He was there at a moment's notice to bring whatever he needed to bring. He ran errands and brought treats for the kids. He was there for Scot. Like a huddle, he would come and pump him up.

Jim Pendergrass. All I can say about Pender is a direct quote from Steph. "Pender is my most favorite visitor. When he comes and we talk, he makes me forget I'm sick." They had an incredible friendship. He would come, and they would talk sports. That's all. She loved it. So did he. He took over her team without hesitation and did it with complete faith that "she'll be back." He knew she would fight back for her girls and he was ready to step aside when she did.

Jarad. My baby brother. He fielded SO many phone calls and e-mails. He was kind of our "PR guy" if there was such a thing. He started the foundation which funded ALL of Steph's medical procedures, medications and trips as well as offered a little extra when she was missing work without any paid sick leave left. If something needed to be done, we could call on him and KNOW that he would drop EVERYTHING and it would be done. I will never forget sitting at Steph's last game with him. How so very appropriate. He sat in the stands and watched me play for her as she coached her first game...and he sat with me as we watched her coach her very last game on earth.

These men were and are amazing. I feel blessed to have them in my life, and I KNOW without a doubt, Steph felt the same way. I love each and every one of you and thank you for all you have done and continue to do.