Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I Do, but I don't.

Levi has a new thing these days that we think is just hilarious. We will ask him a question such as, "Levi, do you want to eat lunch?" His reply is always, "I do, but I don't!" It is so cute!

So today as we waited to hear from Houston Steph sent us a text on her feelings on getting the news.

"I do, but I don't want to know."

My heart is heavy as I type this and I'm just going to shoot straight here. There is a nodule near her ovary. The lymph node next to it is inflamed. There is another inflamed lymph node below her abdomen. This leads them to believe that the area between these two spots contains a network of cancer cells that are too small to see. In case you don't feel as if you have been punched in the gut, let me continue.

They have recommended chemo full force again (instead of the leisurely "maintenance" chemo) starting next week. She then asked if this is how it's going to be..."chemo until I can't take it anymore, take a break for rest and start over?" His answer....yes.

I can't even begin to tell you how mad I am. I am even going to venture out (at the risk of offending someone) and say I am DOWN. RIGHT. PISSED. I'm sorry, but I am.

Make NO mistake...we are not waving a white flag. We will not surrender. We will not back down. We will exhaust EVERY option. In the meantime will also continue to live each day to its fullest. We will meet up, as we did today, at our favorite hangout (Nanny and Papa's pool) and continue life as usual. We listen to our kids yell, "WATCH ME WATCH ME!!" We will hoot and holler as if they just did something different from the last 50 times they jumped into the pool. Scot will sweep the porch and pick up after everyone. We will put "spidey suits" on and take them off over and over. (on the kids that is!) I will tell my stupid stories about how I choked on my Pina Colada in St. Thomas and threw my back out to make everyone laugh. We will charge on. We will get through this. We will continue to call ourselves blessed because we have each other. That's all we need.

We know, medically speaking, that Steph is very very sick. We also know that our God is in control.

Am I scared?

I am, but I'm not.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Grammy's heart is heavy!But we must have faith in God and that he will be with Steph every step of the way. She definately has a huge cheering section in all of those arround her.Steph,Grammy send's you hug's and kisses and are in my prayers.Love you sweetie!!!

Andi said...

Steph,it was so nice to see you at Kailey's wedding. You looked great! I am sorry to hear about this news but will continue to pray for you just like I have every step of this journey. Know that God is in control and I pray that he will heal you soon! God bless you and your family

Andrea Waterman

Jason and Simona Kelley said...

Dear Steph, Just a short note for now, more later. I heard a preacher say once, "If satan knocks you down seven times, get up eight". We are all lifting you in prayer and standing on the word of God that the manifestation of your healing will be very soon. 1 Peter 2:24 "By the stripes of Jesus you are healed" We give you all the glory Father. In Jesus name we pray, Amen. Love you!

Me said...

Steph,
You don't know me, I'm visiting from Chrissy's blog. I have been praying for you and your family. I am so sorry to hear this discouraging news. This verse came to mind as I read this post today:

...He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge.
Psalm 91:4

Bonnie

Anonymous said...

Hunter, Garrett, and I will continue to pray for you Steph. We do love you!