If you know me, you know that I am a VERY cautious person...almost to a fault. Lately, my sense of caution is slowly becoming full blown fear. The first night of our FIRST ANNUAL girls vacation, we ventured into a rather seedy restaurant/bar (it was the only place open within walking distance and we were STARVING!) and I became gripped with fear. You wouldn't believe the thoughts racing through my mind. I'm embarrassed to even think about it. We returned to our hotel safe and sound with greasy burgers in tow. I managed to loosen up but made my mom and Steph PROMISE not to make me go back there.
At lunch the next day, we discussed my issues. My health is something that is causing me more stress than anything. Since Steph was diagnosed, it has been awful! I get a headache...brain tumor. A freckle...skin cancer. My stomach hurts...colon cancer. Strange leg pain...a blood clot that is going to break free in the night and cause instant death. Sounds crazy right? Trust me, I know! I am usually able to talk myself out so I don't become a complete nut job.
Fast forward to Monday. I left mom and Steph on the beach and headed out into the ocean. I harnessed my fear of the stingrays mentioned on the sign that said "Do the stingray shuffle, or you will be doing the first aid hop!" I floated and bobbed along in the beautiful blue waters. I looked back toward the shore and saw two of the most important women in my life. I looked around at the expansive body of water that had rendered me weightless. I closed my eyes and felt a stir in my heart. I have recently learned that when I feel that, God is speaking to me. I have been working on the listening part lately. Then it hit me.
Look at this Chrissy. This is what God made. Only an all powerful God could create this amazing backdrop. Only a loving and generous Father would create this beautiful place and give it to us to enjoy. Look at your friend Chrissy. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. A God that is so powerful, so generous and so loving is perfectly capable of healing her ailing body. And guess what Chrissy? That God is all knowing. He knows our plan. He will reward us for trusting in Him. That is what I will do. I will trust Him with the life of my dear friend. I will trust Him with MY health.
I'm not going to sugar coat it...it is sometimes VERY hard to do that. I have moments that fear grips me. Those are the moments I feel a battle in my heart. I know Satan wants me to be scared. God always calms those fears. I know Satan wants my life to be dark again. God sheds light on my world in a way I never thought possible. Satan wants me to feel alone. I know my God will never forsake me. So I prescribed the following treatment plan.
Less worrying...More praying.