There are moments when I think this is just too much to bear. I do fine...until I am alone. Sunday, I had one of those moments. I went up to check on the kids. I peeked in and watched the light from the TV dance on the precious faces of Drew and Claire. I went to Drew's side and prayed over him, asking God's blessing on this sweet child. Asking Him to give Drew strength, comfort, peace and wisdom beyond his years. I crept out and over to the next room where sweet little Levi and Cohen were resting peacefully. I prayed over Levi...the same prayer. I felt God in those rooms with me. I didn't make it to the stairs before I lost it. The sobbing was uncontrollable. I tried hugging Brian, I tried walking, rocking, sitting, standing, laying...nothing was making it stop. Nothing was helping me to breathe. I went outside on our deck and called my sister-in-law. As I we talked, I calmed down. We began to talk about God's blessings.
The thing is, this sucks. HOWEVER, God knew this was going to happen. He is not surprised by what is taking place this very second. From the day Steph was born, He knew she was going to touch the lives of more people in her 36+ years than many do in a LIFETIME.
He knew when she met our family, that we would form this special and amazing bond and he knew WHY this would be so important down the road. He knew that my mom and dad would open their home to her more than once during her life. He knew by doing so, she would feel at home when she was welcomed in one final time.
He knew when Scot was born, that he would grow and be shaped into the man who would take care of her and raise their boys. And let me tell you...he picked the right guy for the job. Scot is ABSOLUTELY amazing. There aren't enough blog posts in the world to describe how incredible he has been.
He knew when those two boys were born that they would need us. He knew there would be nights when they would be in my home during a very difficult time. I know that is why I have bonded with these boys the way I have. I am so comforted by the fact they feel at home here and I can share the burden with my parents and Scot. (Please know that I am not tooting my own horn here...GOD deserves the glory. He is responsible for all of this!)
He knew that someday, we would become family with her family and Scot's family. That is why he gave us this habit of adopting people as our own!! He knew my kids needed a Grandma Edna, Papa Ed, Granny Pam, Papa "Jail" and a Nanna Banana! Then he threw in an Uncle Jon, Aunt Abby, Uncle Ryan and an Uncle T for good measure!! Of course Drew and Levi hit the mother load of relatives too!
He knew my brother would be hired on at the office so my dad would not have to worry about work during this time. Jarad has stepped up and taken the load off of my dad. He also knew YEARS ago, who would be in that office with dad and Jarad during this time. He knew it would be a group of people that had been in our lives for a VERY long time. People who have offered up prayers, meals and special treats to make this a little more bearable. People who are like family. (See previous paragraph about our habit!)
He knew that my brother would marry one of the most amazing women I know. He knew she would fit right into our family. He also knew that she would become my very best friend in the whole wide world. He knew she would be the one I leaned on while my mom was where she needed to be.
I could go ON and ON about the road that he has paved for us. He knew we were going to be here someday. What an amazing gracious God we serve. He put all of these people and things in place for us. If this is how it has to be, He has done everything to make sure that we come out of this fog together. Thank you God for your tender mercy and your blessings. I pray that we are always able to see them, no matter how rough things get.
Please continue to pray for EVERYONE during this time. May God bless each of you, and may you take the time today to notice the blessings of the Lord in YOUR life!