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When we found out Steph was with child, I decided I would keep a journal for the baby. I KNEW this baby was going to be special and I KNEW he or she would be a part of my life forever. A few times each month, I would jot down my thoughts and the things that were happening. I put together a scrapbook for Drew. It tells him the story of the night his momma told her team she was expecting, the day she called me and told me it was a BOY, the day he got his first Radio Flyer from my dad (yes, before he was even born), the morning sickness that lasted all day and the day I sat and watched him roll around in his momma's belly. I had not looked at this book in well over 3 years. I picked it up a few months ago and read the last page. It was my last note to Drew before he was born.

Well buddy, this will be the last time I write to you before you are born. I wanted to give this book to your mom at her last shower tomorrow so I have to finish it today. I can't even express how excited I am to see you for the first time. I think about you a lot and I can't wait to hold you. I want you to know that I would do anything for you and I will always be here whenever you need me. I know when you first get here that you really only need your parents. But later in life, you just never know! Good luck on the way out and I will be praying for you and your mom. I will see you very soon!

I love you forever and always,
Chrissy

I read that and was so sad. Later in life, you just never know. When I typed that, I was thinking YEARS down the road...when he had done something naughty and was in trouble with his mom and dad. I NEVER thought THIS is how it would be. I never imagined any of this. This happens to other people, not us. It makes me mad. It makes me sad and for the first time, I am actually asking God WHY? I hate that I am asking that, and I KNOW I will never have an answer in this lifetime. I can hear story after story of people who were impacted by HER story, and I am thankful for those people who have taken the time to share. I am thankful that she brought people closer to each other and more importantly closer to God. I am truly glad about all that...but it doesn't make me miss her less. It doesn't bring her back. It doesn't take the pain away. I can't change our circumstances, but I can keep the promise I made to her in my room that day in early July and the promise I made to Drew in his book. I will be here. I will help take care of these precious babies until they have babies of their own. (If all goes as planned with the arranged marriage, Drew's babies will be my grand babies!)I will tell them about the day they were born because that's what the mom's in my family do and I KNOW that is what she would be doing if she were here. I will also do birthday posts for them...so tune in tomorrow for Drew's!